Authenticity

When I lived in Asia, there were lots of markets that sold knock-off products. Watches were a big hit. You could get a Rolex for next to nothing. It looked just like the real thing and it looked sharp. The exterior of the watch was a great copy but the interior was anything but real. To most, the fake could pass for the authentic, for a short time. Then the finish would start wearing off, leaving stains on your wrist. The mechanics of the watch would soon falter and into the trash it would go. At first glance it would be difficult to know whether the Rolex was authentic unless you were a watchmaker. They would know right away.

I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity. What really is my authentic self? Do I even know what that is or am I more like a chameleon that changes with its environment – I’ll be “this” for you and “that” for someone else? According to Wikipedia, authenticity is the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures. So how do I really determine what my own personality, spirit or character really is? External pressures feel like four walls pressing in on all sides; no where to go so I am squeezed. And what am I squeezed into? Perhaps into what I believe is expected of me in order to please, to be accepted, to appear to be or have something people want.

So how on earth do I find my authentic self and what does she look like? I suppose I have to begin with where am I looking to find my authentic self? Am I looking to other’s to tell me who I am? Am I looking at my (possibly skewed) perception of myself? Both of these may lead to some revelation of my authenticity, but it won’t be a complete picture. Both of these may also lead to a distorted view of myself. So how do I sift through these varying pictures and get to the bottom of authenticity?

I don’t believe there is a quick or easy answer, but if there is a desire to know authenticity, I do believe we can find it. I wish it were simple, like, “okay Lord, show me a picture of how you see me and I’ll show you a picture of how I see myself. Then we can analyze the discrepancies and go from there.” Well, actually, I think it is that simple. “Okay Lord, show me. Show me where you are proud of me and where I please you. Show me where I disappoint you and where I need work.” If I’m brave enough to ask… “then Lord, give me the grace to accept the accolades and the humility to accept the defects and to take a look at the areas that needs work, whether I hear it from you or from those who love me.”

I don’t want to be a knock-off Rolex and I don’t want to be a chameleon. I know this is a process of discovery, one that takes a while. But as I spend more time with the Lord, I pray I come to know my authentic self, the child He created me to be – unencumbered, unashamed, uninhibited and authentic. I wish to not be affected by external pressures and only be influenced by the One who claims me as His own.