Desert Journey – Day 32

Obedience versus love. I must admit that 32 days ago when this desert journey began, I entered in because of obedience. When I heard the Lord ask me to write for 40 days, I immediately felt the weight of responsibility and the burden of expectation. How callous of me. Now 32 days later, I am writing because of love.

“Love bears all things…” as scripture reminds. Do I respond in love? My invitation into the desert was not met with a response of love, but rather one of compliance, after all, I am a rule follower. I am convicted, deeply.

Is it inconvenience, I’ll have to squeeze in one more to do? Is it selfishness, sleep will be less to fit this in? How can it be that these were the very thoughts I entertained? The condition of the heart, when carefully examined and exposed, will reveal the transformations needed…Lord, I am truly sorry.

As we walk together, my head bowed, I can feel the unconditional love of God. I am disappointed with myself for not responding to the Lord’s request with love, however, his love is constant and never-changing. Jesus asks me to look up at him and not the ground. I feel I have let him down. Love will come, he says. These moment are for learning. The tenderness of his words are felt and gratefulness for this revelation fill me. I breathe deeply and we keep walking.

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