Expectations, The Death Of Me

Expectations. At face value, they appear to be natural expressions of our desires. It seems nearly impossible to live without them. And yet, living with them, often leave us confronting disappointment. Our expectations almost always accompany circumstances, events, and relationships. Even a simple trip to the grocery store brings expectations that we will find what we need.

Expectations vs. outcomes

I am struggling to reconcile expectations with real-world outcomes when what I had expected fails to come close to reality. It appears to me that expectations are a toss-up. Sometimes they lead to unexpected good fortune and euphoria, and other times they lead down the road of disappointment.

Oh, the expectations I had when I first met Ella the dog. She would be a great dog, get along with everyone and every dog, be well trained, and go with me everywhere. She would be perfect. It took a short bit of time before I realized something was off with Ella, and what I knew about dog training was not working. No matter what I tried, her behavior kept getting worse. Something had to change. I reached out to a dog trainer for some help and that’s when I learned that Ella was reactive.

Reactivity, the unwarranted response to a stimuli that is in excess to what a situation calls for. That is Ella’s world. I must admit, I can certainly relate, for I too have reacted in ways that are above and beyond what the circumstances call for. Why? Simply, because I was triggered and so was Ella (to read more on triggers). Reactive dogs need a quiet, non-triggering life, but then again, who doesn’t?

Digging deeper

As the realization set in, all the expectations I held about Ella the dog slowly crumbled as the months went by. Unmet expectations and life with a reactive dog was a far cry from what I had expected when Ella and I first met. 

I must ask myself to dig deeper. Is this really just about a dog named Ella? What is God unearthing? Further introspection reveals my struggle with expectations and outcomes. Could it be that my expectations aren’t necessarily the best outcomes? Does perfectionism strike again? Or simply, did I not get what I wanted? Perhaps, it is time to look at a little dying to self.

The death of me

The sanctifying process of dying to self is painful at times, but grace-filled all the time. Dying to self, my least favorite part of the spiritual journey, reveals I have a long, long way to go before reaching spiritual maturity. Releasing my expectations, surrendering what I wanted, and accepting what is before me, equates to some dying to self. 

Why would I think the Christian walk would require otherwise? After all, “Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.'” (Matthew 16:24, NIV).

More to learn

I am pretty sure I have learned more during our year together than Ella has, and I am certain there are more lessons to come. These last few weeks have brought forth these truths for me:

1. The plan is not mine.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).

2. Muscling my way through it only leaves me weary.

“But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:31

3. Trust is essential.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13, NIV

4. Not my will, but Yours.

“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”

Romans 8:5–6

Moving forward

Letting go of expectations, accepting that perfectionism is a myth, and embracing dying to self, although essential for spiritual growth, is difficult. The process has revealed more emotions than I care to admit and shown the ugly I carry within. However, God’s grace is sufficient, His mercies are new every morning, He is always faithful, and above all, He loves me unconditionally.

The last couple of days have brought forth repentance, forgiveness, grace, and taking steps to move forward in acceptance of what is before me and not some unrealistic expectation of perfection.

Repentance, forgiveness, grace, and acceptance…sounds like something I will need to play and repeat, over and over again.